Wishing for Love

The skies of blue shine down on me
As I look upon his face in adoration
Hoping, wishing
Did he love me too

At night I would lay
Down on my bed
And cry myself to sleep
For once again I'd been ignored
I'd hoped and I'd wished
Now my heart had been broken

But then the next day
While at my locker
He came up beside me
My world came undone
And when I looked up
My eyes full of wonder
He bent down and whispered
"I've noticed you"

And then in that moment
I was enthralled
And my heart stopped beating
Thats when it started
My heart on fire
About to beat through my chest
Then he kissed me
Really kissed me
My wish had finally come true

I'd been wishing for love
And love had finally come
Now when I look at him
My fears are demolished
For I knw he loves me too

Free

I thought of the way
You felt about me
And wondered why
I couldn't be free

Free to love
And to give you a chance
Free to have and to hold
A chance at romance

I thought about
The way you changed me
And thought of the things
That you made me see

I'm beautiful and worth it
And never alone
I'm funny and sweet
And even adorable

I stopped and I wondered
Why others couldn't see
The things that you do
That make me think of you

I thought of these things
And wished I could be
Open and welcoming
Wished I could be free

Changes

When last I saw you
There with me
The change I saw there
Struck down deep
Where no one sees
My heart took a beating
Fear struck down to my core
And every thought
I'd ever had
Went fleeing out the door
I never saw the sun again
Its light now gone away
And every time I hear your name
The night replaces day
The closest friends
Now drawn apart
Caused me to be afraid
That everything I'd ever known
Would change and stay that way
One day we might
turn out to be
Better than we were
But as of now
My life is filled
With a plague that has no cure.

False Happiness

When I turned around
And saw you not there
My heart fell apart
And wondered, whether you cared
While once we were best friends
Close as we could be
Now lies and rumors
Have torn us apart
And happiness will flee
We're far away
From where we were
And death is coming near
To pull and tear at happiness
Where everyone came near
A death has come
And now I know
That happiness is false
When I look there and see you gone
My life refills with strife

Tony

I always knew
That when I took that chance
My heart would wilt and fade
I'd never again be able to dance
My joy would run
To where joy never lives
My soul would wither
Because of what you couldn't give
A change would come
Stealing away my world
Because thats what you were
You were my joy
Always by my side
My everything, my love
You were my all
You left me alone
Though it wasn't by your choice
And knowing its what you'd want
I tried to turn and rejoice
Years have passed and though I tried to be glad
I've found that I can't live without you by my side
I need you here
To help me carry on
If I can't have you with me
I don't know how to try
I want to be happy
To think of what you'd want
But knowing you're gone
Has more than wounded my heart
It has been shattered tortured and burned
And now there is nothing
Even if I change and turn
Because how can I love
When my reason to be is gone
All I can do is to try
And maybe I'll carry on



Dedicated to my one true love, the one who still holds the key to my heart.
11-27-08
I miss you Tony and I will always love you.
Tony Martinez November 14, 1987 - February 14, 2007

Perfection

Lately I've been thinking, and I've come to realize that no matter how many times we run or how many times we try to start over, the past is still there. It doesn't matter how bad or how good it is, its there and it affects who we are as people and as friends, family and significant others. We live life thinking everything is going to go our way, that everything will turn out perfectly, and because of that we won't have to worry or work at having a good life. But then, something comes crashing down, and we withdraw into ourselves, and often begin to believe that nothing will ever go right, and that we may as well be lying somewhere, dead and alone. We think about how no one cares, and about how if we had just been better people, then maybe we would have stood a chance at being happy and living a perfect life. In truth, I think we need to realize that life isn't perfect, and dwelling on our mistakes will only make us more bitter than we need to be, not to mention the extra hurt that dwelling on the past will no doubt cause. Life is never perfect, and expecting it to be will only be setting yourself up for disappointment and more pain and suffering. So everybody needs to realize perfection is over rated, and having the little differences and changes in our plans is what makes life worth living

I Believe #2

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe God is the only one who can mend a broken heart or a broken past. I believe music is the key to the heart. I believe that my beliefs are my own and your opinion can't change that. I believe love can be false or true, but you have to be careful with your heart. I believe football is confusing. I believe chocolate not diamonds is a girls best friend. I believe that all things are possible but you have to believe for it to happen. I believe in Phantom of the Opera and I believe that musicals are more than just fluff. I believe in looking at the good in all things, but i also believe that it is ok to cry. I believe that true friends are there for the good and the bad and I believe that men generally aren't worth the trouble. I believe in pouring your soul into your passion and I believe that no matter what others say, the freedom to be me is always in my grasp. I believe that Gerald Butler is the cutest guy in the movies, and I believe that Drew Barrymore rocks. I believe that hope is never false. I believe in never just putting half of your heart into something, and I believe that God is the only one that you should always believe is right. I believe that my heart is always to be given and never to be taken away and I believe that with enough love anything is beautiful. I believe that soccer is the best sport and I believe that baseball is easy! I believe that math is easy and science is hard and I believe that poetry is the door to my soul. I believe that with my heart on my sleeve I am vulnerable, but without it there I will become hard. I believe that mistakes cannot be undone but htey can be fixed, and I believe that love makes you whole. I believe that God's mercy never fails and I believe that movies can make you laugh or cry but they are always fun. I believe that books lead you to a whole new world. I believe that escape is good but you should always come back. I believe that truth is truth and that it never changes. I believe that my best friend will never not be there even if we live in other states. I believe in converses. I believe in no shoes. I believe California is the best state. I believe being Italian means I like italian food. I believe art shows who I really am. I believe strength comes from above and we are always stronger than we think. I belive love is key but you cannot always predict it. I believe my parents think they know whats best, but i still believe I'm right. I believe my music expresses my soul. I believe in dancing just to be silly, I believe in dancing to worship God, and I believe in dancing in the rain to the music only I can hear. I believe that being me can never be a bad thing. I believe in ice cream for breakfast and cereal for dinner. I belive in abstinence until marriage, but that doesn't mean I don't love him. I believe that if you love me you'll respect me and if you don't like me you'll get over it. I believe guys make good friends, but if you want something more, you're usually doomed. I believe love is genuine but so is hate. I believe fear can be pointless but that doesn't mean its not there and I believe in living for today. I believe in Les Miserables and I believe true love never dies even if the one you love does. I believe God loves everybody and so should I but I also believe its not always easy. I believe in being happy through the pain and I believe pain is one of the strongest emotions, but most of all I believe that nothing is stronger than faith.